In the midst of loss and grief, it is imperative to keep a winning mindset, but in order to do that, we first must be able to identify loss and grief.
When we hear the word loss, we often think of the death of a loved one, but there are over forty different life experiences that might also cause grief. Here are a few we don’t often consider:
- Marital separation
- Imprisonment
- Dismissal from work
- Pregnancy
- Gaining a new family member
- Beginning or ending school
- Change in church activities
- Change in social activities
- Foreclosure of mortgage or loan
- Loss of trust, approval, safety, or control of one’s own body
Whether we want to admit it or not, we have all experienced or may now be experiencing some life events that might cause grief- especially during this season of COVID-19. But what exactly is grief? According to the Grief Recovery Method Institute, grief is defined as "the normal and natural reaction to loss. Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior."
You may ask, "Carol, how can I have a winning mindset in the midst of loss or grief?" The first way to have a winning mindset, even in the midst of loss or grief is to change your perspective concerning the loss, keep praying, and remember the promises of God.
Immediately after a loss, the enemy will often cause us to think it’s the end of our world. Once we entertain that thought, we begin to live like our world is ending. The Bible says, "so as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he." (Proverbs 23:7 KJV). Even it doesn’t look like we’re winning in the midst of loss, we must consistently tell ourselves that we are, and believe that we’re winning. When we do we will see our outlook or perspective on loss begin to change.
I now look back over the death of my mother and realize that I was stuck in grief for years because I lived in a defeated mindset. I consistently viewed the loss as gloom and doom instead of viewing the loss as Jesus saw it, and how he saw me in the midst of it. Jesus saw me being an overcomer because he overcame loss and every attack that was sent out to destroy him, even death. Jesus sees you in the midst of loss as an overcomer, too! Jesus understands your loss and grief because He was acquainted with grief. (Isaiah 53:3 KJV)
Changing your perspective requires making a conscious decision to train your mind. The moment you feel like you’re not going to get through, allow yourself to feel what you feel but don’t stay there. Tell, yourself, "Yes, this hurt! I am crying but I am going to keep moving. Yes, it looks dark at the moment but I have Jesus with me and He is the best Illuminator."
In order to maintain the winning mindset in the midst of loss and grief, the second imperative to keep praying. Yes, have a dialogue with God. Yes, you talk and then sit still and allow Him to speak back. I hear you, "Carol, you don’t understand, I am upset with God at the moment. I don’t feel like talking to Him. I feel He could’ve done things differently or at least warned me that my world was going to be turned upside down." I respect your feelings. I want you to know in the midst of what you feel that God hasn’t changed His mind concerning you or His promises toward you. He wants you to tell Him how you feel, instead of sharing it with others.
We often think prayer is saying a lot of big fancy words. Prayer is a sincere conversation from your heart. Why not become naked and unashamed in the presence of God who will keep your darkest secrets. He already knows; He’s just waiting on you! Perhaps you can’t articulate a lot of words at the moment. "Lord, help" is actually a short prayer. The two words are more powerful than you think. That prayer first takes you out of the equation. It then acknowledges the need for the Lord to help you.
The Lord wants you to have a little talk with Him, tell Him all about your trouble. He will hear your faintest cry and answer by and by. Yes, He will hear and answer. Prayer is one of the key tools to your healing process.
Last, remembering the promises of God maintains a winning mindset in the midst of loss and grief. God hasn’t changed his promises concerning us. God has promised we’re blessed as we mourn (Matthew 5:4 KJV). God promised we will always have Him because He will never leave us nor forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:8 KJV) God promised that He would turn our mourning into dancing (Psalm 30:11KJV). God promised that we can experience the fullness of joy by entering in His presence (Psalm 16:11 KJV). God’s promises are found in His Word! Let’s get into His Word, remind Him of His promises, and stand on them!
Loss and grief can look like defeat! We can maintain a winning mindset by changing our perspective, continuing to pray, and remembering the promises of God! We are winners even in the midst of loss and grief.
Elder Carol J. Williams, the founder of I Care Solutions, LLC, a Registered Nurse, Author, Speaker, and Grief Recovery Method Specialist Certified by the Grief Recovery Method Institute. Elder Carol provides encouragement, strength, and hope to grieving individuals. Her motto is, "If I can help somebody then my living isn’t in vain."